When I can get myself out the door to a yoga class, I feel freedom. I am filled up by the flow that yoga brings into my life. And, when I’m not in yoga class, I miss it.
But, lately I can’t get my ass up and out the door.
And, you know what’s holding me back?! …
The fact that I FEEL Fat!
My brain has got me caught in the perfect little Catch 22. I want to go to yoga to feel better in my body, but I can’t get myself to go to yoga because I don’t feel healthy. I can’t get myself to go until I feel better in my body.
So, I sit in this shit storm of wanting to go but not wanting to go because my brain is scared for me.
My brain tells me mean girl messages like…
“You can’t go back to class and look like you’ve gained 10lbs!”
“They’ll judge you. In their minds, they’ll be saying to themselves, “What the hell has Christine been doing? She’s gained (more than) a few pounds.”
I’ve been here before. Have you?
I’ve been in this spot where I’ve reached a goal and then because life gets in the way, the goal slips away. And, my brain tries to tell me I’m a bad person for not being 200% perfect. My brain belittles me for not having a better handle on major life-changing events. My brain tries to hurt me for simply being me – for simply being human.
So, I sit here breathing. Not going to yoga but breathing. Focusing on my breath and quieting my inner mean girl thoughts.
I focus on the fact that no one is perfect. I focus on the fact that we all need help, including me. I focus on the fact that “End Dates” and “Reaching Your Goals” are linear illusions that don’t make sense in our spheric world. Everything moves in circles. Goals come back around to be explored again. There is no good or bad way to this. It simply is.
I take a deep breath and dip my toe into what it would FEEL like to have the courage to go to Yoga class despite the weight gain. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. A big part of me screams no. But, the act of acknowledging my fear and body shame has me feeling better already.
How about you? Do you have any mean girl thoughts that are holding you back from what you know is good for you?How can you move past them & show up 100% as yourself, for yourself?