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Why You Can’t Get Yourself Out the Door to a Yoga Class

When I can get myself out the door to a yoga class, I feel freedom. I am filled up by the flow that yoga brings into my life. And, when I’m not in yoga class, I miss it.

But, lately I can’t get my ass up and out the door.

And, you know what’s holding me back?! …

The fact that I FEEL Fat!

My brain has got me caught in the perfect little Catch 22. I want to go to yoga to feel better in my body, but I can’t get myself to go to yoga because I don’t feel healthy. I can’t get myself to go until I feel better in my body.

So, I sit in this shit storm of wanting to go but not wanting to go because my brain is scared for me.

My brain tells me mean girl messages like…
“You can’t go back to class and look like you’ve gained 10lbs!”
“They’ll judge you. In their minds, they’ll be saying to themselves, “What the hell has Christine been doing? She’s gained (more than) a few pounds.”

I’ve been here before. Have you?

I’ve been in this spot where I’ve reached a goal and then because life gets in the way, the goal slips away. And, my brain tries to tell me I’m a bad person for not being 200% perfect. My brain belittles me for not having a better handle on major life-changing events. My brain tries to hurt me for simply being me – for simply being human.

So, I sit here breathing. Not going to yoga but breathing. Focusing on my breath and quieting my inner mean girl thoughts.

I focus on the fact that no one is perfect. I focus on the fact that we all need help, including me. I focus on the fact that “End Dates” and “Reaching Your Goals” are linear illusions that don’t make sense in our spheric world. Everything moves in circles. Goals come back around to be explored again. There is no good or bad way to this. It simply is.

I take a deep breath and dip my toe into what it would FEEL like to have the courage to go to Yoga class despite the weight gain. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. A big part of me screams no. But, the act of acknowledging my fear and body shame has me feeling better already.

 

How about you? Do you have any mean girl thoughts that are holding you back from what you know is good for you?How can you move past them & show up 100% as yourself, for yourself?

Categories: Body Movement | Improved Health

{ 6 comments… add one }
  • Audrey March 9, 2017, 11:41 am
    Thank you for sharing Christine! It reminds me of something a colleague would say often about our students "having a conversation in their own heads". And that is so true we all do it. I don't have any mean girl thoughts and most of the time I see myself in a good way in spite of the extra pounds. But I am an emotional eater which is counterproductive to my health goals.
    • Christine Dyan March 9, 2017, 6:24 pm
      I love to hear how we all have unique experiences with our bodies, Audrey. Kudos to you for seeing yourself in a good way despite the extra pounds! That's half the battle fought!
  • Kim March 9, 2017, 1:37 pm
    Great article Christine. I felt like this the other night when my son wanted to go to the pool. My weight is good, but in the past 5 yrs since my dad died I haven't lifted weights "like I should" and I don't like the "older" looking body that has emerged. But I went anyway, after I shaved my "winter legs". I put my "non muscular" body in my swimsuit and went. I thanked my son for asking me to go to the pool. Like you with yoga, I felt so much better. Hugs.
    • Christine Dyan March 9, 2017, 6:12 pm
      Ah, yes Kimberly! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so happy to hear you put on that swimsuit and went to the pool, despite it all. Hugs right back at you!!
  • Lori GW March 10, 2017, 2:51 am
    You're describing my life, Christine. I'm losing weight, but so not comfortable yet. Working on my mindset. Thank you for sharing yours.
    • Christine Dyan March 11, 2017, 1:20 pm
      Thank you for reading and I’m happy to hear this resonated with you Lori!

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